


You're in love

by CyclesOfCie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, First Kiss, I'm giving you ..., Jealousy, Love, M/M, Missing Scene, Misunderstandings, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyclesOfCie/pseuds/CyclesOfCie
Summary: Seamus is watching Dean fall in love with Ginny and it's killing him. (Or missing scenes between Seamus and Dean during their sixth year)
Relationships: Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas
Comments: 10
Kudos: 127





	You're in love

Seamus loved many things. He was skilled at it too. Loved loudly and went on and on about whatever was pulling at his heartstrings at that exact moment. The list of those things was long too.

It included the feast at the beginning of the year.

The hills of the landscape where he had grown up.

The sound of his childhood home - all the laughing and the voices that in any other household might have been called raised or too much.

He loved the smell of burning too. The thrill of it even. Maybe subconsciously he sought it out, although he would never admit it out loud, given how much troubled it had caused him throughout the years.

And then there was Dean Thomas. There were a lot of things about Dean Thomas that he had tried helplessly to bite down, to quieten, to ignore. And most of them he feared Dean already knew, if only he bothered to look a little closer.

Dean Thomas, on the other hand, loved Ginny Weasley. That was who he was with anyway. It had taken a toll on their friendship but Seamus couldn’t really tell whether it was because Dean had less time for him or because he himself had pulled away. When Dean finally seemed to realise that they were growing apart and set his mind to fixing it, Seamus started a senseless fight over him being accepted onto the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

“You are a such a prat,” Lavender sighed. They were eating in the Great Hall and Seamus had made the mistake of complaining to her. “It’s just entranced balls and brooms in the air and you think that’s worth losing your best friend over?”

“I flew better than him at tryouts. He won't even admit it. "

Lavender raised an eyebrow. “I heard him and Ginny are fighting. You might want to cut him some slack.”

“Great. More reason why he shouldn’t be on the team.”

“Seamus, seriously, open your eyes and get some perspective. It’s not like it’s going to last, stupid,” Seamus glared at her but she continued unfaced. “Maybe just go after what you want … and maybe next time, you’ll be on the team if that’s what you want.”

Seamus just knew by the way she was looking at him, that she was really hinting at something else, which he hoped wasn’t, but probably was, his apparently embarrassingly, obvious crush. It once again only made him question how Dean did not yet know. Were all boys this thick? Was he himself that thick?

All the rest of the day he kept thinking about it. He was trying hard to focus on the textbook in front of him, but Lavender’s words kept slipping themselves into his mind. Dean hadn’t mentioned that he and Ginny were fighting, but then again, maybe that was just yet another result of them not being as close as before. Still Seamus’ stupid, gullible mind couldn’t help but feed on the false hope like a feast. Him and Ginny are fighting. It’s not like it's going to last, stupid.

That’s what it was. _Stupid._

He couldn’t waste his time on that. He needed to focus on his Defence against Dark Arts essay, if he didn’t want Snape to utilize it as an excuse to give him detention once again. It ended up taking him all evening to finally finish the damn thing too. He had barely dropped his quill, when he spotted Dean coming back from Quidditch training through the portrait hole. He was looking flustered and out of place. It made Seamus feel a pang of worry for him. Despite their fight, he still wanted Dean to kill it in the upcoming match against Hufflepuff. Maybe it had something to do with Ginny, though. He couldn’t help but feel a little cheerful at that thought. He was a real shit friend.

Dean caught his eyes and sent him a sheepish smile, which Seamus hesitantly reciprocated. There was something about Dean looking vulnerable that always made him forget everything else. All he wanted to do was make Dean laugh, lower his shoulders and pull him out of his own head like he always did.

“What’s with ye?” Seamus asked when Dean stopped in front of his seat. “Blimey, you look like someone desperate to apparate. "

“Kinda am. Want to get out of here?”

“Thought we were having a row.”

“Honestly, I’m not. Just come, will you.” Dean turned on his heel again, but only made a few steps before he looked over his shoulders to see that Seamus had not gotten up from his seat.

You’re too easy if you just run after him, was what he told himself. You’re not some needy, little - whatever - except when Dean looked over at him one last time, before going back through the portrait hole, he knew it was a lost game. He followed him.

Dean immediately looked less tense when he saw him, like whatever was bothering him could be lessened at the mere presence of Seamus. Dean led the way as they took a detour routh down to the lake, which only enhanced Seamus' theory, that they were avoiding someone. They’d often spent time out there at the foot of the lake, where it was usually a lot quieter than the castle, which meant Dean could sketch without being disturbed and Seamus could talk as loud as he wanted without being shushed.

Seamus sat down with his knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, while Dean let his upper body fall back into the grass. The last sunshine lingered on his face, his dark hair falling messily over his forehead, his shirt moving up, revealing a tiny bit of dark skin and Seamus was watching him, briefly looking away every once in a while, so as to not be caught.

Over the summer Dean had grown a lot taller. It was not in the awkward way Ron had, where it looked like he was caught in the process of getting familiar with the size of his own limbs all over again. No. Dean carried himself with the conviction of someone, who knew who they were to their very bones. He was the quieter one of the two of them, but he had a way of taking the room that Seamus lacked. Really, it seemed to Seamus, that the universe had clearly decided against assisting him in getting over his feelings. Instead it had only made Dean more desirable and Seamus himself more desperate, like it was all some tragic comedy to be watched at this point.

“You’re not saying anything,” Dean pointed out.

“So?”

“Just not like you. Look -” He sat up and let out an audible sigh. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately with Ginny. Maybe I’ve been a shit friend to you, but I’ve had the feeling you’ve not wanted me around much either. It’s been weird between us and I don’t know why. I miss you, mate.” 

Seamus knew it was his turn to say something but he couldn’t find the words. His throat felt dry. He kept fidgeting with a fresh leaf he'd picked up, turning it over, pulling at its edges.

“Don’t hate me for saying this, but I’ve been thinking maybe you’ve been sort of jaloux.”

Seamus' eyes snapped up to see Dean looking at him like he was somehow fragile. It was not a look he was used to getting and it stung. Since when had he become someone you tiptoed around?

“Hear me out before you get mad. Ginny actually told me that one of the Hufflepuff girls in her year always had a thing for you. She’s good-looking, smart, not as feisty as Ginny but that might just be a perk. That’d be great, wouldn’t it. We could double date.”

“I kinda already fancy someone else,” Seamus heard himself say. He cursed his _reckless-dumb-never-thinks-before-it-speaks_ mouth.

“Wow. Great. That’s great. Do I know her?”

He could still lie. Just say that he fancied some girl from their year or maybe even invent a girl back home in Ireland. It would be easy, but it would also be pointless. Crush or no crush, he’d wanted to come out to Dean for a while, and he was tired of pretending to fancy girls left and right like he had for years.

“Well … it’s … it’s sort of a bloke.”

What followed was a brief silence where Dean just looked at him uncomprehendingly and then when the galleon finally seemed to drop, he said: “Oh.”

Seamus felt his own heart pounding so fast, it made him dizzy. What he saw was not the disgust, he had feared, there were no slurs, which really, he knew there wouldn’t be. Still, it was as if Dean was thinking about it really, really hard, trying to understand the last six years in light of this new information, which was the last thing Seamus needed.

“How bad is it?” he finally said when he couldn’t take it anymore. “Is it just setting your sleeve on fire _bad_ or not believing you-know-who-is-back _bad_?”

Dean shifted his face back towards him. It softened. “Shay, it’s not bad, not bad at all. I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting it … does explain why you didn’t make an arse of yourself in front of the veelas like the rest of us. Actually, it makes a lot of sense.”

“Yeah, well, the veela thing was probably the one perk of being the only queer boy at Hogwarts.”

“Come of it. I’m sure you’re not the only one - there’s probably a ton who just keeps quiet. You doo too.”

“It’s shit for dating. There’s only a handful of boys who’d go for boys and if their all keeping quiet.”

"Maybe there’s some kind of signal.”

“A gay signal?” Seamus chuckled.

“What do I know … besides, sounded like you weren’t interested in the masses, anyway. You said you already had your eyes on someone.”

“Doesn’t matter. My eyes are mental.”

“Just tell me. Maybe I can help you - you know, I’ll always have your back. ”

Seamus had never lied to Dean. At least not about something major, something that mattered. Maybe it was the delight Dean was showing at being confided in again. Maybe it was because he knew Dean would not let this go quite so easily. It was just so nice, talking, opening up, acting like best mates again. Seamus wasn’t proud of it, though.

“Only if you swear not to laugh.”

“I swear it.”

“Okay. It’s Harry.”

Dean’s eyes widened and for a moment Seamus thought, he might have seen something like annoyance in his expression. Almost, that nagging voice told him, like actuel jealousy.

“What?” Seamus said.“You’re thinking something.”

“It’s just Harry … of all people, Harry.”

“He is the chosen one.”

“Yeah, I can see he isn’t called that for nothing. A lot of people seem to choose him. Including my girlfriend.” Dean tried to say it in an off-handed joking way, but Seamus wasn’t fooled. So that was it. Of course it was about Ginny. “People even say it - she’d have me dumped in a minute, if she thought she had a chance with him.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. People are just running their mouths like idiots.”

“I know. It’s probably just my mind getting the better of me. You know how I am.”

“No reason for that.”

“Says you who fancies him.”

“Yeah, well … you’re a nicer person than him any day.”

“Good thing the nice guy always gets the girl then.” Dean gave him a lopsided smile. He nudged his knee against Seamus’. “Doesn’t matter anyway, this is about you. I'm glad you told me. I know that can’t have been easy - and I’m all for you and Harry getting together and not just so he doesn’t try anything with Ginny. I want you to be happy.”

“Not like I have a chance. He’s only ever gone for girls and why’d he want me of all people anyway. “

“Don’t kid yourself. You’re a catch … but, yeah, the being straight part might not be the best. If he is straight, that is.”

Seamus felt himself blushing. He knew he’d have to change the subject. “Now I told you a secret, it’s your turn to tell me who we’re avoiding.”

“Yeah, well … fair. I was avoiding Ron. He and Harry sort of caught me in the middle of snogging Ginny. Got pretty ugly. Just wasn’t in the mood to argue with him over my rights to snog my girlfriend.”

“He can be a real git,” Seamus said. It was only fair that he supported Dean too, no matter how much it irked him to picture the scene he was describing.

“Ginny let him have it too about him being a baby, because he haven't kissed anyone himself. I almost felt bad for him.”

“Right,” Seamus mumbled. He didn’t feel like mentioning that he himself hadn’t kissed anyone either.

“Can’t we just stay out here. Fall asleep here.” Dean’s voice was soft and deep and - God, he was pathetic. He needed to get a grip. The air was chill and everything almost seemed good again.

“Yeah,” Seamus said after a beat of silence.“It’d be brilliant.”

As they walked back to the castle, Seamus set his mind on two things.

One; keeping Dean as his best mate no matter what. Two; Not being in love with him.

He tried to see his coming out as a kind of closure. He had told Dean that he liked blokes and Dean had not responded by breaking up with his girlfriend and snogging him senseless. It’s not like you told him you like him, that annoying, delusional, nagging voice in the back of his head kept telling him. Still, Seamus wanted Dean to be happy and if Ginny made him happy, so be it.

Except … as time went on, it seemed Ginny made him many things. Okay, so she made him laugh and smile at times, but she also had him doubt himself more, she kept bothering him about little things, picking fights, until at the end all she did was make him miserable.

At that point Seamus was over it. If she made Dean happy, fine, he could bite it down, but when Dean stopped laughing at his jokes and started looking defeated most of the time, even coming back from the bathroom with swollen eyes, Seamus had it with her. She needed to go. He barely had two days to think of a masterplan for splitting them up, before Dean announced that he had already been dumped by her.

"Because I help her through the portrait hole. Barkess, she is. How is that a reason?"

Dean was in his bed, Seamus was sitting on the edge of the mattress, watching him. His tie hang loose around his neck, his face turned towards the wall. He looked worn out.

“You’re better than her, mate. Really.”

“I’m sure half the school was wondering why she picked me anyway - hell, who knows, maybe she was just trying to find somebody who was close to Harry.” Dean cleared his throat. Seamus wasn’t sure whether or not he was on the verge of crying. “Maybe this was all about parading us under his nose.”

“Wouldn’t put it past her,” Seamus responded. This was not really true but he didn’t want to argue with Dean in this state and it wasn’t like he was going to defend Ginny when she had committed the worst crime of all; hurting his best mate. “She’s mad calculated. You’re way better than her, way too good for her.”

“Right,” Dean mumbled. It was hard to hear whether he meant it or not. They were quiet for a moment. Seamus wondered if it was the right time to crack a joke. He was in the midst of thinking up something nasty to compare Ginny with, when Dean interrupted his thoughts.

“Would it be weird if I asked you to stroke my hair? Just my -”

“Your ma does it when you’re upset,” Seamus interrupted him. “I remember.”

Dean let out a sigh as Seamus slowly did as he’d been asked. Dean’s hair was dark and thick, thicker than it looked. It was not the first time Seamus had gotten to touch it, but it felt different this time. They were older.

"How sad are ye really?”

"I think I’m mostly just angry she’d use such a cop out excuse. She's probably going straight to Harry. In a Month she'll be with him. I swear it."

"Don't be thick. It won't be a month."

As it turned out it wasn't a month. It was barely a week.

It happened in the midst of their euphoric winning of the Quidditch Cup. First Dean had been kicked of the team because Angelina was back, only to be let onto it again when Harry got detention for almost killing Malfoy. And lucky he had, because Dean was bloody brilliant out on that pitch. From the stands Seamus was cheering and screaming along with his fellow Gryffindors, gold and red painted on his cheeks, his face hurting so much from smiling. Afterwards when he ran towards Dean, he felt like he could have lifted him, but as always Seamus was the one swept of his feet, their hands pulling at each other, everyone beaming and screaming, it felt like nothing could possibly ruin this moment of bliss.

Except, as it turned out, Harry kissing Ginny right in front of everyone.

Seamus could have killed them both. Harry was the team captain and Dean had to do his dirty work, because he acted like a murderous moran and still even when Dean had excelled - hell, they couldn’t have won without him - Potter re-paid him by kissing his ex of less than a week right in front of him and everybody they knew. Seamus felt an incredible urge to hex him. He was even reaching into his pocket, when he saw that Dean’s hand was bleeding from the bottle he had crushed. This instantly brought him back to his senses.

“Bloody bastards,” Seamus hissed as he helped Dean bandage his hand with the first aid kit Dean’s mother had made him pack when he first came to Hogwarts, like she still didn’t understand that he was going to a place that had magic. They were in the bathroom. Dean had just cleaned his hand by running it under the water and then soaking it with something, that seemed to sting, but apparently was meant to make it better, if you were a muggle.

“You sure you don’t just want me to heal you?” Seamus asked. “If it’s ‘cause ye think I can’t do it, we can run by Pomfrey. She’ll have you fixed in a second.”

“It’s a small cut. Barely even hurts. I’m sure it’s gone in a week or two.”

Seamus had never really understood this thing Dean had with letting wounds heal the muggle way, but after six years he knew better than to argue with it.

“What do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Dean said. “I sort of just want to get drunk and celebrate with you. Unless you think that’s too boring.”

“That’d be brilliant. Saves me from having to waste time talking to somebody who isn’t you."

Dean smiled at him. He actually managed to look happy in a way, that reminded Seamus that they had indeed just won the Quidditch Cup and that no amount of treacherous girls could change that. They took as many butterbeers as they could carry and made themselves comfortable in an empty classroom. Dean put a silencing spell on the room as Seamus opened the beers, then slumping down on top of a table.

It wasn’t long until they found themselves back in the post-match clouds, now enhanced by the kick of the butterbeers. Soon Seamus was doing impressions of the Ravenclaw goalkeeper trying desperately to do his job, which almost had him falling off his broom at one point. Dean broke into a huge grin that had Seamus melting, because it’d been a while since he’d seen it. By the end of the night they’d transgressed to analyzing everything in the game, which admittedly had very little to do with actuel observations and were more just slurred words of endless praise.

“- And that last goal when the blodger almost hit me.”

“Yeah, ye had me scared there, ‘cause any other player would've been hit by the thing or missed the goal,” Seamus laughed.

“I was really lucky.”

“Don’t you dare say that, mate, ye scored more goals than Angelina, ye were bloody brilliant, that’s nothing to do with luck. Hell, you might even want to go professional. “

“You’re mad.”

“I swear, If you don’t get a place on that team next year, it’s a personal vendetta, you’re brilliant, you’re -”

He paused. Dean was looking at him with such obvious adoration, that he lost track of what he was trying to say. Before he could find the words again, Dean had wrapped his fingers around his collar and crashed their lips together. It was a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss that was almost frantic, all consuming, like fire conquering new territories with each touch. Soon Dean was pulling him onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, making it hard for him to breathe, but it was still worth it, because Dean tasted like butterbear and felt firm against him and it was so, so good. Too good and too hurried and not at all like that slow, shy first kiss Seamus had been thinking about for so long.

Seamus pulled back. He parted their lips and lowered his neck, looking down. It wasn’t how he wanted it. He didn’t want Dean to be hurting and pinning for someone else. Didn’t want it to be a heat of the moment, drunken kiss.

“You’re drunk,” Seamus whispered.

“I know. I just … I wanted to.”

"I dont do second best, Dean, I won't. Ye’re drunk. Just happy we won, that’s all.”

Something in Dean’s expression seemed to break, almost like when he’d seen Ginny kissing Harry, like this was somehow a second blow to his pride. He was probably tired of being rejected and Seamus had never thought he’d be the one to reject him ... But the thing was that Seamus loved a lot of things, but he loved none of the them like he loved Dean Thomas. He was not going to take advantage of him being heartbroken and drunk. He was not going to do anything that might cost them their friendship.

The following days were strange though. There was a lingering discomfort that differed massilly from when they’d had a row. Anger was tangible, but this, the air filled with unsaid words, it was very odd. Seamus didn’t know what to do about it.

He knew that Dean was avoiding him, which if anything, really should be the other way around. Seamus was the one who fancied blokes and Dean had heard him vent more than once about how hard it was to find somebody. He should know better than just snogging him like it could be some casual thing, something to be experimented with. But confronting him was out of the question. It was just one of those things. Seamus knew how to keep things light and funny. This - the awkwardness and the feelings - he knew nothing about it and it terrified him. So he kept his eye on the most important of things; making sure this did not become what ruined them.

It’d almost been a month since the kiss, when Seamus suggested they go out into the sun like everyone else. He was determined on getting something out of the summer, even if it was not going to be the same as before.

“I’m busy drawing,” Dean replied distantly. He lay sprawled on his bed with his sketchbook open, working on a portrait of his sisters that he was planning to give his ma for her birthday. The photograph he was drawing from had been enchanted to levitate around his eye-height.

“You can draw outside.”

“Not in the mood,” he mumbled.

“What are you so grumpy about?”

“I’m not.”

“Let’s go outside then.”

“We’re not joined at the hip. You can just go if you want.” Dean’s tone was hostile in a distant, cold way, that he usually reserved for people who had hurt him. Seamus did not understand how he himself could ever fit into that category and frankly it pissed him off.

“Sorry for wanting to be around you. We don’t have much time left and who the hell knows what’ll happen next term with you-know-who being back. If this is the last summer we get, I want all my days to be with you - but I’ll piss of, if ye don’t want that.”

There was a moment of silence filled with the kind tension that was almost unheard of for them. Then Dean finally said: “Where do you want to go?”

No matter where they went, it’d be crowded. It was the end of the afternoon which meant the sun was nowhere near its highest. Seamus was in the midst of positioning the chess pieces on the portable board they’d brought outside, when he spotted Ron, Hermione and Ginny sitting down only a few meters away. Dean made a hesitant wave which they all copied. Things between Dean and Ginny had gone from hostile to tense to coldly polite at this point.

“You go first since I dragged you here,” Seamus said, eager to get Dean’s attention away from Ginny. Dean looked at the board with a thoughtful frown. From the corner of his eye, Seamus saw Harry had joined his friends. He wrapped his arms around Ginny from the back and made a point of kissing her. Seamus wanted to make fun of the way Ron’s face clenched in disgust, but when he looked over at Dean again, he wore a pained expression.

“You must have really liked her. Should be used to seeing it by now,” Seamus said. Dean simply glared at him. He still hadn’t made his first move.

“I did really like her.”

“I’m sorry, mate.”

Dean swallowed. He looked nervous. “It doesn’t bother me though.”

Seamus didn’t say anything. Instead he sent him a sharp look that said; I don’t believe that one bit.

“Okay, it bothers me a little. What bothers me more though, is that you like him.”

“What?”

“You heard.”

Seamus looked dumbfounded at him. “Why?”

“Shay, I kissed you last month. You’re not dumb. You know why.”

“You were just drunk and sad. Ye said it yourself.”

“What else was I going to say after you called me second best like you would rather die pinning for Ginny’s place.”

“Is this a joke? Some prank you’re pulling?”

“Why are you so surprised? I draw you all the time. You’ve seen my sketches of you. There everywhere -”

“That’s cause I’m always there. Got a drawable face.”

“- And I’m always so physical with you. I don’t do that with anyone else.”

“You’re just soft that way. That’s just what we do.”

“No, Shay, that’s not just what we do.” Dean pushed the board so that the chess pieces fell over. He got up in one quick motion that caught Seamus off guard.

“What was that for?”

“Is it really that funny to you that someone like me could like you?”

“Well. Yeah.”

“Fuck you, Finnigan.”

“Come of it. I don’t mean it like that, what I mean is … you’re not … you can’t be ...”  
But Dean was already marching back towards the castle, not giving him a second glance. Seamus could see the trio and Ginny were all looking over at him. He wondered whether they had overheard anything. So what if they had. That was the least of his problems.

Had he really just tried to convince the guy he’d been hopelessly in love with for more than a year that he couldn’t possibly have feelings for him too? He almost felt paralyzed by the sheer force of his own stupidity. It just seemed too good to be true, but when he thought about it, he also knew Dean wouldn’t play him this way. He had told the truth. He must have. Something Seamus himself had failed to do for a long time.

The door was locked when Seamus made it back to their dormitory. He got his wand out and pointed at the door handle. “Alohomora,” he whispered which was followed by a quiet click. He  
opened the door.

Dean was standing over by the window. He did not look up when he heard Seamus enter. He had that grim, sad look on his face that made Seamus feel guilty. He only ever wanted to be the reason why that look left his face. Not why it was there.

“I’m an idiot. When ye said -”

“Please don’t. I know people can’t help how they feel but I don't want to hear it right now. I need a minute.”

“Ye really think I’m not in love with you? That I haven’t been for a long time?”

“Don’t,” Dean simply said. He still wasn’t looking at him.

Seamus walked towards his bed, pulling at his hair, trying to come up with the right thing to say, which was never him anyway, that had always been Dean. Then he remembered something. He walked over to his suitcase and opened it. Tucked away underneath all off his clothes was a letter. Seamus almost knew the letter by heart. Oftentimes when he couldn’t fall asleep for hurting so much, he had read and reread it so often that at one point he kept it hidden underneath his mattress, just to keep it near.

“Here,” Seamus said and offered Dean the letter. “Please take it.”

Dean did not take it.

“I know I acted like a fool down there but I didn't expect you to say those things. I’ve been a coward but I thought I was being brave, ‘cause I didn’t want to lose you. Just please take it. You can scold me afterwards and ask me to leave. If you want me to leave, after you read it, I’ll leave.”

Dean hesitated for a moment but he finally did as Seamus asked. He took the letter and unfolded it slowly. Seamus watched him as he read.

_Dear Seamus,_

_I’ve been thinking about your letter all day, before I finally decided to just sit down and write to you. I want to tell you that it gets better - because it does - but I also want to prepare you that maybe, for a long time, it doesn’t._

_It sounds like you’re having a hard time. I remember being young and watching my friend fall in love with a girl while I was falling in love with him. It’s awful. You feel guilty. You feel wrong. Selfish. And It’s all made worse by the fact that you feel like you have to keep it hidden at all costs, right?_

_I know how important your friendship with Dean is to you. I can’t really say that I was all that surprised when you told me you were in love with him. Even at thirteen when I saw you two running around the garden, you seemed so happy in an at ease, comfortable way, like you had found an extension of yourself in someone else, which is rare._

_And maybe you don’t have to keep it hidden. Maybe if I’m right, you can confide in him. It may be a relief for you even. I’m not going to lie to you though and say that it can’t hurt the friendship or change it in some way. And maybe if it’s a small crush, it’s better to lock it away for a while until you forget it. If it isn’t though - and I don’t think it is - then you may have to tell him at some point. If you can’t now, then after Hogwarts when you don’t have to see him everyday. If you don’t, it’s always going to be in the back of your mind as an option and you’ll close yourself of to real things to dream about what could be. I’ve seen friends do this and it’s a waste of life. It either can be or couldn’t be. At some point you’re going to need to know which._

_You can do this. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll support and think of you. Keep safe and please don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure Dean wouldn’t want that either._

_Love,_  
_Uncle Alfred._

Dean lowered the letter. His lips quivered. For a second he seemed at a loss, until he finally said: “And Harry?”

“That was a lie. Sorry.”

“Why would you make that up?”

“My tongue slipped, didn’t it and I couldn’t say I fancied you -”

“Yes, you could have.”

“Ye were with Ginny.”

“So - not like it was a forever thing - you knew that. Maybe I’d have chosen you over her.”

“You were mad about her, don’t lie about that. That’s also why I don’t get this. You liked her. She’s a girl. Clearly I’m not. You even cut your hand, because you were so mad when she got with Harry.”

“I was mad that everyone I fancied, seemed to want him instead - and yes that includes you. Look, I’m not saying I understand it. I’ve never felt like this with other blokes, but I’ve never felt like this with any girl either. I think about you all the time and maybe I have for a long time, it just wasn’t until recently that I realised what it meant. Not like this place is crowded with gay couples or people who talk about these things openly, so I just didn’t know. After you told me you were gay, though, I just thought … maybe. I’m always laughing when you’re around, ain’t I. And you’re cute - not just like a friend, but fit too. You don’t make me feel wrong when I’m being quiet. You never make me feel wrong, actually. Well, not counting now, that is.”

“Sorry,” Seamus said but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling widely. How was this his life. This boy he’d wanted so long - longer than he’d even admit - wanted him too.

“You look very, very sorry right now too.” Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow but he didn’t look mad. It was almost in a teasing way.

“You just said, you think I’m fit and that you fancy me." Seamus moved closer and took the letter back, only to drop it onto the window frame. “I am sorry, though, for not saying anything. I never want you to feel wrong, ‘cause of me. You sort of just overwhelm me.”

“Yeah?” Dean said. His face was inching closer. Seamus could feel his breath on his skin. “So you really are in love with me, huh?”

“Shut up,” Seamus whispered and then to help him with that, he finally leaned in the last few inches.

This time the kiss was soft. Teeth gracing lips, hands learning where to rest, finding out what a smile felt like pressed against your lips. And when Dean pulled back to send him a smug look, Seamus leaned back in again.

It was beginnings in the midst of ends and Seamus knew, that soon they were going to have to fight. Although there were still lessons and normalcy, this was war in its wake. Still as they were kissing, Seamus felt like he was reminded why it was all worth it. That there really were things worth dying for.

Seamus kissed his way to his ear, then whispered:

“I think you might be in love with me too, mate.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated. Thank you for reading!


End file.
